


All I Have To Do Is Find You (Among All The Noise In The World)

by vavole



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, High School, M/M, Romance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 03:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11889225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vavole/pseuds/vavole
Summary: People dream about a recognizable, defining feature of their soulmate, something that will stand out to them only. For Kyungsoo, it is the most obnoxious scream-laugh and it haunts his dreams until he finally hears it in person at a soccer game and he discovers that Kim Jongin, their high school’s bear mascot, is his soulmate.





	All I Have To Do Is Find You (Among All The Noise In The World)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ACatWhoWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ACatWhoWrites/gifts).



> This was supposed to be 5-6k long, but I failed miserably. My imagination had other plans and I blame puppy Nini for everything. Anyway, I have always been a little afraid to join exchanges, but I am glad Kaisoommer was my first one because the experience was great. I would also like to thank my lovely beta reader for her help. And to my prompter: this is for you, I hope you’ll like it!

“You look terrible,” Baekhyun says when Kyungsoo enters the classroom.

“Man, Baek is right. What happened to you?” Chanyeol asks, eyebrows furrowed.

Kyungsoo listlessly makes his way to his desk, throws his school bag on it and sits beside Jongdae, ignoring his friends. He is tired and his desk looks somehow inviting, so he lets his head hit its surface and closes his eyes.

“Earth to Kyungsoo! Are you there?” Baekhyun sing-songs, his hands cupped around his mouth like a megaphone.

Jongdae looks at his classmate with worried eyes and lightly nudges his shoulder, trying to get his attention, but gives up soon after. “I guess he couldn’t sleep much last night… and, you two, stop annoying him so early in the morning,” he admonishes.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol just snort and sit down, their desks right in front of Jongdae and Kyungsoo’s ones. Their mathematics textbooks are already lying open on top of their disorganized notes and comics.

Kyungsoo sighs and burrows more into the hard surface of his desk, seeking quietness. Last night he dreamed again of the laugh that has been haunting his dreams for as long as he can remember.

In the dream, he was walking along a narrow road alone, but secure in his steps when he had suddenly found himself in a garden. A beautiful garden where yellow daffodils, white roses, blue hyacinth, and other delicate flowers grew unguarded and freely.

Kyungsoo had walked aimlessly around countless flower beds and rose bushes, admiring the fragrant flowers already in full bloom as well as those that were close to blossom, until an obnoxious laugh had crept its way to him, getting nearer at each of his steps.

When Kyungsoo had recognized the voice, he had held his breath and listened to it. He had grown used to hear the same offensive laugh replay over and over in his dreams. After all, he has been dreaming of it for years, but he still doesn’t know to whom the voice belongs to because, as always, whenever he believes he is close enough to it to distinguish the hazy profile of the person behind it, he wakes up. Last night it hadn’t been any different.

Kyungsoo groans and sits straight when another nudge from Jongdae alerts him that their Professor has just entered the classroom. Not being able to sleep is one thing, but mathematics first thing in the morning on a Monday, after a sleepless night, is a whole new level of stress.

“Kyungsoo,” his classmate whispers, “did you do your English homework?”

“Yes, I did. I will let you copy it during the interval, okay?”

“I love you, man,” the other beams, and he throws a cautious look at their Professor before speaking again. “Couldn’t you sleep again because of that laugh?”

Kyungsoo takes a moment to answer, but when he nods Jongdae pats his back reassuringly, and he finds his friend’s warm touch comforting.

He yawns, opens his notebook and starts getting notes about derivatives and the like, hoping for the drowsiness to clear up soon.

 

/

 

“Of course our Kyungsoo would get full marks for the Chemistry test, but shall I remind you that you could have passed me the answers to the last two exercises? I was very close to finishing the whole test,” Baekhyun laments, fingers interlocked behind his neck as he leads their small group to the school canteen.

The second-year quartet slowly makes its way through the school corridors, carefully averting colliding with other students rushing to get their lunch and secure a table.

It is March and the air is crisp and cool. Outside, the sky is full of wispy white clouds like smoke puffs, and the gentle spring breeze chaffs the students’ cheeks red as they dream of warmer days. In a few weeks, they will be able to eat their lunch in the garden, comfortably resting on one of the many benches set under the sycamore trees confining the school.

During spring, Kyungsoo and his friends prefer spending their breaks there, and he instantly misses the fresh air and the quietness of the garden as soon as he steps into the crowded canteen and is greeted with loud shouts and chit-chat coming from all directions.

Kyungsoo is wary of people’s laughs since it is the defining feature that will help him recognize his soulmate.

They live in a world where people dream about a unique and recognizable feature of their soulmate, something that will stand out to them only, and, for him, it is the most obnoxious scream-laugh he has ever heard. However, the point is he is not even sure if he _wants_ to meet them. Still, he can’t do much about it aside from being unconsciously hyper-aware of everyone’s laughs wherever he goes.

“Stop whining, next time will go better,” Chanyeol offers.

“And what about me?” Jongdae snorts, shoulders slumped, “I couldn’t copy anything, even though I sit beside him! The teacher kept me under tight surveillance.”

“You should just study, man! Take the example from Kyungsoo. He is in student council, a member of the botanical club, and, since he wants to become a surgeon, he is working hard towards his goal, getting good marks in all the boring subjects we hate,” Baekhyun says.

“And without counting all the other extracurricular activities he has going on. Man, I wish I knew what I wanted to do in life…” Chanyeol laments.

“But I didn’t have time to study! Yesterday, I had soccer practice until late in the afternoon, and when I got home I fell asleep instantly.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have copied also in the previous quiz. Frankly speaking, it’s obvious that the Professor hates you,” Kyungsoo interjects, accidentally bumping into two girls that leave no room for him to pass through.

“But I’m such a nice kid. Why does she have to treat me like this?” Jongdae pouts.

“You’re gross, don’t do that,” Chanyeol lands a hard slap on Jongdae’s back and the latter cries out in pain before kicking the taller student in the shin and running ahead of them, to their usual table, with a yelling Chanyeol running after him.

Kyungsoo lets them go and follows Baekhyun to go get their meals from the food-serving counter. On Mondays, they are the ones paying for their drinks while Chanyeol and Jongdae get to pay on Wednesdays.

He gets in line with a tray and squints at his and Jongdae’s orders scribbled in blue ink on the palm of his left hand. Behind him, Baekhyun lets out a gasp when someone drops his tray of food with a loud clank.

Kyungsoo sticks his head out and furrows his eyebrows at the poor student currently being surrounded by both seniors and juniors shaking their heads at his misery. Some of them are even giggling, and Kyungsoo feels pity for the ashamed student.

The student bows and apologizes in a low voice, hands trembling as he squats down to retrieve his wasted lunch.

“I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up,” he grumbles, getting up and looking around, possibly searching for his friends. He has mashed potatoes on his trainers and Baekhyun chuckles at the sight, fingers covering his mouth in the attempt to mask his amusement.

“Jongin! Jongin!” Someone shouts from the crowd, and Kyungsoo immediately identifies Oh Sehun’s voice because of his slight lisp. He is one of their school’s new soccer players and Jongdae’s friend from the soccer club.

The guy named Jongin squints his eyes and exhales in relief when he recognizes his friend running to him. “Sehun. I’m not wearing my glasses and I couldn’t see—I just…” he starts, gesturing to the mess still on the floor. He scratches the back of his head and looks down apologetically.

“Calm down and don’t worry. I’ll go get a broom and a rag.” Sehun squeezes his friend’s forearm and disappears between the bystanders, once again leaving the poor guy alone.

“He is Kim Joonmyeon’s younger brother, isn’t he? The soccer team manager,” Baekhyun whispers and Kyungsoo just shrugs. With so many people attending the same school it is difficult to keep track of everyone.

“Let’s go,” he suggests, and once they have secured their lunches and drinks, the duo walks to their table and starts digging in the food, thoughts already focusing on the remaining lessons for the day. Kim Jongin and his little mishap gone and forgotten.

 

///

 

“It’s Friday!” Jongdae yells, arms spread in victory as he runs through the school’s main hall, his blue sports bag bouncing on his back with each step.

“Jongdae, wait for us!” Baekhyun whines, limping along behind him. He is carrying his friend’s battered school bag on one shoulder and his own on the other one.

“Hurry up, or you won’t find any seats left!”

“Why is he always so full of energy? Does he ever rest?” Chanyeol wonders, a disgruntled expression on his face as he and Kyungsoo try to keep up with the overexcited soccer player rushing to the pitch.

Friday is Jongdae’s favourite day of the week, not only because it is the last school day before the weekend, but also because it is soccer day.

Two times a week the school’s soccer team gathers in the afternoon to train for their upcoming matches, but today they have a match planned with a neighboring school.

When they reach the back of the building, Kyungsoo sees several players already warming up on the field, jogging all around its perimeter or passing the ball to one another.

The trio shouts some last-minute cheer to Jongdae and goes to join the many students that have already claimed a seat on the bleachers while waiting for the match to start.

Kyungsoo waves and chats with those he is friends with on his way to their seats. Being in student council makes him a rather popular student and many admire him also for his commitment and dedication to studying.

When they finally manage to find enough space on the old benches for the three of them, Baekhyun squeezes himself in between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, complaining over the warm weather and the little space their school offers for its students and their parents to watch the matches.

“You should thank the heavens that we even have this little excuse of a field, Baek. Some schools can only dream of having a soccer pitch,” the taller chides.

“Chanyeol is right. It isn’t that bad and our team is quite strong. Let’s not forget that last year they managed to qualify for the regionals,” Kyungsoo adds, and Baekhyun nods, pouting.

“Yeah, I get it. But that was all thanks to Minseok and Jongdae, wasn’t it? They are an incredible duo!”

“Also, it seems as if Yixing hyung will be more active this year. His right knee is doing much better and he can play again, or so Jongdae said,” Chanyeol says, gaze wandering to the home team warming up at one side of the field while the rival team is busy running in circles in their assigned part of it.

“Jongdae! Kim Jongdae!” Baekhyun hollers, standing up as soon as he spots his friend slowly jogging in his teammates’ direction. He is wearing his soccer shorts and t-shirt and waves enthusiastically at the trio when he spots them on the bleachers, eyes crinkling as a big smile appears on his face.

“The weather is warm today. Spring is really here, guys.” Chanyeol takes off his uniform’s jacket, squinting at the bright afternoon sun. He ungraciously shoves the garment in his school bag and fishes two potato chips bags from it. “Chips, anyone?” He smirks.

“You’re the best. Thanks, man.” Kyungsoo takes the offered snack gratefully and relaxes in his seat, ready to cheer for their team’s victory.

The players are all lining up on the field, and even from a distance, Kyungsoo can spot Jongdae beam excitedly, waiting for the referee to start the match. And as his whistle resounds in the air, the soccer players begin running.

The lively atmosphere on the bleachers and the intensity of the match excite all the bystanders as time ticks by and each team scored one goal after another amidst the teams’ supporters loud screams and waving banners.

At every chance he gets, their apprehensive team manager, Kim Joonmyeon, shouts to the players to do their best and be quick on their feet, having a piece of advice for each of them. Their coach is doing the exact same thing, still the manager seems absolutely set on doing more than is required.

“They are winning, but Joonmyeon and the coach are shouting as if they are losing! They will pop a vein if they don’t calm down,” Baekhyun laughs, glancing at the agitated manager.

“Joonmyeon hyung just really wants the team to secure the victory. After all, today our best players are playing and there are less than twenty minutes left,” Kyungsoo explains, throwing a look at his wristwatch.

“We _have_ to win. There are Jongdae, Minseok, and even Yixing hyung is back… oh, there is also the new kid, Oh Sehun,” Chanyeol counts on his fingers.

“He is only one year younger than you, dude,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, still a child,” Chanyeol retorts. “Anyway, are we really going to ignore the new school mascot or…?”

Baekhyun giggles, pointing at the bear mascot dancing around at one side of the field. Kyungsoo sees the mascot’s big paws up in the air as he imitates kicking a ball and scoring a goal, jumping up and down in delight.

The student shakes his head, grimacing at the idea of that big brown thing possibly being their school mascot for all sports events until the end of the current school year. Why can’t their school have cute cheerleaders like all the other schools? Why must it be someone dancing in a giant brown bear costume?

“Who allowed it?” Kyungsoo grumbles.

“Since our soccer team last year qualified for the Regionals, our principal decided that the team needed cheerleaders to be on par with the other schools. However, no one wanted to do it once they found out about the bear costume… that’s what Yixing hyung told me, anyway.” Baekhyun giggles, sneaking his hand in Chanyeol’s bag of potato chips, the taller student too focused on the match to pay any attention to him.

When Kyungsoo asks Baekhyun if he knows who is the lone and overenthusiastic dancer, the latter just shrugs, munching on his chips. “I don’t know, but they are good, aren’t they?”

“Well, it’s kind of cute, I guess…” Kyungsoo admits, eyes still trained on the energetic mascot supporting the home team with great determination.

Twenty minutes later their P.E. professor whistles the end of the match and the majority of the people on the bleachers rejoice. Thanks to Joonmyeon’s mad dedication and never-ending cheers, the home team has won the match 5 – 3, despite the initial naive optimism of the away team.

The sun is starting to set over the school, and the spectators scatter pell-mell in between roars and laughs.

Kyungsoo and his friends walk down the bleachers and to the field when they spot their classmate among the crowd of hollering students celebrating victory. Jongdae is jumping up and down while hugging Minseok and the new player, all grinning from ear to ear and with towels draped over their shoulders.

“Hey, Yeol! Did you see my free kick? I was great, wasn’t I?” The soccer player laughs out loud, rushing to his friends. His soccer t-shirt is clinging to his sweaty skin and his hair is in disarray, but the grin on his face is as bright as the sun.

Chanyeol high fives him and shouts back compliments for the whole team to listen to as the rest of the players quite down, all looking pretty tired but happy.

“Yixing hyung, how are you doing?” Baekhyun asks.

“Huh? Well, I think.” He kicks the grass and pats his knee, reassuring the other.

“I’m glad,” Baekhyun beams and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at oblivious Yixing’s serene smile.

“Guys, let’s not forget that our Sehun scored one goal. Let’s give him a round of applause!” Captain Minseok announces, circling Sehun’s shoulders with one arm.

The younger student bows and thanks his teammates awkwardly, and in the chaos that follows they don’t see the school mascot clumsily strolling in their direction accompanied by their manager.

“Great job, everyone! I’m positive we have the potential to go much further than last year if we keep playing like this. Also, Sehun, congratulations on your first goal,” Joonmyeon gives him two thumbs up.

“Thank you, hyung! I really wanted to score one goal and it’s all thanks to Minseok hyung’s advice and strategy,” he replies, hugging their Captain sideways, and the latter coos at him, patting his back lovingly.

“You’re a great addition to the team, don’t ever doubt that!” He winks.

However, Kyungsoo is distracted by the bear mascot carefully hiding behind the team manager, apparently too shy to say anything. At least, until Joonmyeon forcefully pushes them in front of himself coaxing the tall mascot into greeting the players.

“Jongin is a little shy,” he explains as he encourages his younger brother to take off the headpiece of his big costume.

“He is Joonmyeon’s brother!” Comes Baekhyun’s surprised voice. “Poor thing, that costume must be as hot as an oven,” he whispers to Kyungsoo, and the latter just nods, watching the guy struggle to take off the headpiece of his costume and take a few much-needed breaths of fresh air as soon as he manages to free himself.

The sun is almost set, but the guy is sweating profusely, tousled dark hair sticking to his forehead and cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink.

“Hello,” he waves awkwardly, a wary smile gracing his features. “I hope you had fun today… great teamwork,” he adds, raising a trembling fist up in the air.

Except for his timid encouragement is greeted warmly by the home team, thereupon relieving a little the tension he is feeling since Kyungsoo sees him smile at the small crowd circling him.

“Joonmyeon’s brother seems to be really shy, doesn’t he?” Baekhyun whispers again.

“I guess…” Kyungsoo replies distractedly, too fascinated by the newcomer’s good looks and warm chocolate eyes to say anything. The Kim brothers are both blessed with good genes, he notes.

“Hey, Jongin. Was it really your first try at cheerleading?” Minseok asks.

“Yes, hyung…” He answers, rubbing the back of his head. “If you don’t mind, I can keep cheering for you.”

“Actually, no one wants to do it, so…”

“But we won the match. Jongin could be our lucky charm, who knows?” Yixing interjects.

“It’s cool, man. Jongin likes dancing and we need a mascot: it’s a deal,” Jongdae shrugs, stroking his ruffled wet hair with his towel.

“Jongdae is right. You’re in,” Minseok says, patting the mascot’s back reassuringly. “Welcome to the team.”

Jongin, feeling all eyes on him, just beams timidly, fidgeting on the spot, but Sehun saves him by approaching him and catching his attention when he tries stealing the mascot headpiece from him. Jongin swiftly kicks his best friend in the shin, running after the tall student in the process.

A little after, the group disperses with promises of seeing each other during the weekend for celebratory drinks and snacks, but Kyungsoo stops suddenly, incapable of taking one more step towards the school’s entrance when he hears it: the obnoxious laugh that has been haunting his dreams.

He blinks, heart hammering in his chest as he hears the annoying laugh get closer to him. He holds his breath, willing himself to calm down and confirm that what he is hearing is not just his imagination playing tricks on him.

It is true that he hasn’t been sleeping well lately due to that laugh, and he might be hallucinating right now because, honestly, he never imagined seeing the day he would finally find the laugh’s owner.

“Hey, Kyungsoo, is something wrong?” Baekhyun waves a hand in front of his face and he blinks, trying to regain his bearings.

“I-I… it’s here, Baek. I can hear it.”

“Who? What are you talking about?”

However, he doesn’t reply because, when he turns around, behind him there is shy, ditzy Jongin laughing the most obnoxious scream-laugh, and Kyungsoo is certain that even though he has never heard it more clearly and nearer than today, Jongin is the one he had been dreaming of.

He stares at the taller boy laughing loudly and freely at his best friend’s antics. Now that most of the home team has dispersed Jongin is less tense and more playful.

Kyungsoo gulps, unable to utter a single word because he can’t believe his own eyes and ears: Kim Jongin, the new mascot, is without a doubt his soulmate.

 

/

 

That night, Kyungsoo has a fitful sleep, tossing and turning in his bed as images of Jongin dancing at the pitch disrupt his sleep. He dreams of curious glances and sniggering students following them as they walk together in the school’s corridors, Jongin wearing his ridiculous mascot costume.

Kyungsoo feels as if he could suffocate at any given moment in the stifling warm air of his bedroom as he wakes up from the nightmare. He tries to recall the other student’s laugh for the umpteenth time that night just to make sure of what he discovered that afternoon, and bangs his head into the pillow when he arrives, once again, to the same conclusion.

He manages to fall asleep pretty late and wakes up grumpy, head pounding, sighing dejectedly at the alarm clock going off – loud, irritating noises that stir him from his sleep a little after he managed to fall asleep. He sits up, rubs his eyes and adjusts his pajamas with uncoordinated moves.

Dressing quickly, he forgoes breakfast in order to make his bus, eager to take a breath of fresh air in the bright spring morning and clear up his mind.

Compared to the fast paces of the other pedestrians, Kyungsoo takes his time when he gets off the bus since it is rare for him to leave home earlier than eight a.m.

He stares at the sunlight filtering through the leaves of the many trees adorning the road that brings him to his high school as he rethinks of yesterday’s events with a lump in his throat.

Once at school, his friends manage to make him forget about his predicament for a little while, thanks to their antics and jokes, but once the school bell rings signaling the start of lunch break, Kyungsoo’s newly found greatest fear materializes in front of him in the form of Kim Jongin nibbling on his sandwich in the school canteen.

Today, the mascot is wearing his school uniform, but Kyungsoo can’t help but grimace at the idea of his soulmate being a shy young boy who dances in a ruffled bear costume.

He looks so different from the person Kyungsoo has always dreamed of calling his. He can’t deny that the guy is tall and good-looking, lean muscles and broad shoulders, but their weird first encounter worries him a little.

Kyungsoo’s friends seem to notice his uneasy expression, yet he can’t really come up with a significant reason to deny them the little joy of sitting with their friends from the soccer team when Jongdae asks to join his teammates for lunch.

Reluctantly, Kyungsoo follows Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae to a table in the middle of the school canteen, regretting his life choices in the process when he sees Joonmyeon and Jongin sitting among the sportsmen.

Sehun sitting beside Jongin should limit Kyungsoo’s possibilities to interact with the younger student, or so he hopes, but when Joonmyeon spots the quartet carrying their trays full of drinks, rice and vegetables to their little round table, he stands up to greet them and rushes away citing a prior commitment, vacating the seat beside his younger brother.

“We are here, Captain!” Jongdae greets.

“Hey, guys! Nice to see you,” Minseok waves, collecting scattered napkins and empty water bottles to make space for the newcomers.

Kyungsoo moves to sit beside Minseok, but Baekhyun interrupts him: “Sehun, move over, I want to sit with Yixing hyung,” he winks.

The younger complies, albeit snorting audibly, followed by his teammates. In a short time, everyone starts moving around, rearranging and adding chairs, until Kyungsoo finds himself sitting beside the school mascot.

Despite his hands sweating, he tries looking nonchalant and digs in his pasta without really acknowledging the other if not for the stiff excuse of a smile he throws at him before they all focus on their meals.

During his sleepless night, a portion of time was dedicated to thinking about his first impression of Jongin and the latter’s appearances in his dreams. His features were always hazy and not clearly defined, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but wonder if for Jongin it is the same.

The younger doesn’t seem to mind his presence and to Kyungsoo it is enough proving that he isn’t aware of his real identity, and the thought manages to lift his spirit a little.

In between forkfuls of overcooked vegetables, Kyungsoo glances at his soulmate stealthily. Has Jongin been dreaming of him? Doesn’t he really know that sitting beside him, elbow to elbow, there is his soulmate? And, most importantly, who is Kim Jongin? Kyungsoo ponders on the person behind the mascot costume currently speaking quietly to his best friend, shaking his head every now and then when Sehun prods him to say something and take part in the ongoing general conversation.

Kyungsoo sees him fumble for a napkin and giggle to himself when he finds a clean one in the mess of bottles, plastic containers, and mobile phones in the center of the table.

“Jongin can’t see beyond the length of his arm without his glasses,” Sehun snickers, catching Kyungsoo’s gaze.

“Hey, I can hear you!” Jongin slaps his friend’s arm, outraged. “And I’m not blind, I’m only short-sighted.”

“Bro, this morning, you didn’t even see me standing right in front of you at the bus stop!”

“That’s because I was distracted,” Jongin defends himself.

“No. It was because you forgot your glasses and you can’t see anything without them,” Sehun retorts, clearly amused at the idea of annoying his friend.

“Whatever!” Jongin snorts, closing the argument by poking his chocolate milk carton with its straw and sipping at it angrily. 

“He’s a little sensitive when it comes to his vision problem,” Sehun whispers conspiratorially to an amused Kyungsoo who has witnessed their whole exchange.

“He is quite stubborn, isn’t he?”

“Absolutely.”

The rest of lunch break goes on smoothly, with the exception of Kyungsoo trying to focus on his tray of food as much as possible, tuning out the conversation going on.

He is sleepy yet on edge, thanks to Jongin being so close to him, and it just doesn’t sit right with him. He wonders if he should tell Jongin about his discovery, but what is the point? He knows nothing about the younger student, therefore he doesn’t know what to do with him.

In the end, he decides to keep quiet and take time.

 

///

 

Weeks pass and Kyungsoo dreams different dreams. Now, he sees snippets of his life with Jongin. He holds his hand and he kisses him as the younger student smiles prettily, his thunderous laugh replaying as a reminder of his identity. Dreams usually don’t shake him like this and it isn’t like Kyungsoo to dwell on things that aren’t real, but there is something about his dreams that he can’t quite shake.

He finds it frustrating how, after sharing only a few words with him, Jongin has been monopolizing his dreams and thoughts, and, in a matter of days, he is all he dreams about. It is as if his brain and body know: they recognized Jongin and are playing tricks on poor and sleep deprived Kyungsoo.

In his defense, he has always believed that he would end up in a relationship with someone like himself: a practical and confident person, an ambitious young man with a witty personality. He has plans for his life, he aspires to do great things and become someone, but shy, ditzy Jongin with that obnoxious laugh of his doesn’t quite fit the picture.

“Something is obviously bothering you. Kyungsoo, what’s on your mind?”

Kyungsoo remains silent.

“Hey, talk to me. Does this have something to do with our Geography test of tomorrow? We can call Chanyeol and ask for his notes if you want,” Baekhyun prods, a pen spinning between his slender fingers, his Geography notes forgotten on Kyungsoo’s desk.

They planned to study together for tomorrow’s quiz, however, Kyungsoo’s mind has been elsewhere since before Baekhyun arrived at his doorstep carrying his backpack and a paper bag full of their favourite snacks.

“It’s Jongin,” Kyungsoo murmurs in distress and lets himself fall backward onto the chair.

“Jongin?” Baekhyun ponders over it for a moment, lips pursed. “Oh, you mean Joonmyeon hyung’s brother. What did he do?”

Kyungsoo, eyes trained on the pencil in his hand, wonders on how to break the news to him. He hasn’t talked with his friends about finding out that Jongin is his soulmate as he doesn’t really know how to introduce the topic.

When it comes to his personal problems, Kyungsoo has always shouldered them alone, not wanting to bother anyone else, thinking that he should be the only one to handle all of his issues and negative emotions.

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” he mutters, promptly regretting his one moment of uncertainty.

“What happened?” Baekhyun repeats, unperturbed. He is used to Kyungsoo’s reluctance to talk about his feelings and personal problems. “Earth to Kyungsoo. I’m talking to you!”

“What do you think of him?” He blurts out, still avoiding his friend’s eyes.

“Well, he is reserved and polite. Jongdae says that Joonmyeon hyung is really protective of him… and he is quite handsome, don’t you think? Not as handsome as my Yixing, of course, but cute nonetheless,” he nods to himself, index finger tapping his chin.

“Actually, he’s kind of good-looking, now that I think about it… but that doesn’t mean that we’re going to be friends or something,” Kyungsoo states, eager to sway his friend’s attention from elaborating on his question.

“I said nothing…” Baekhyun mumbles, choosing one chocolate chip cookie from the plate beside the laptop and taking a bite of it. “Joonmyeon hyung introduced him to you, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did. Last week, he introduced us while I was waiting for Jongdae’s practice to be over.”

“I still can’t believe we have a Rilakkuma rip-off for a mascot,” Baekhyun snorts and takes another bite of the cookie. “It’s a little troublesome, isn’t it?”

“I don’t care…” Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what to say, and even though the two of them are nothing, he can’t help but feel a little embarrassed for the mascot.

“Also, I can’t understand if he wants to be our friend or not since he always keeps to himself. He is a little strange, and I think he doesn’t have many friends.”

Kyungsoo just nods.

Now, he is anxious at the idea of his friends finding out the identity of his soulmate, even though he knows that sooner or later the truth will surface.

 

///

 

There is a melody stuck in Jongin’s head, one he has heard all his life long, sometimes clearly, sometimes as if coming from a faraway place. He has been dreaming of it for as long as he can remember: it is always the same melody and the same confused words that he forgets when he wakes with the morning light creeping into his fantasy world, bringing him back to reality. He would wake in his bed with the cotton tee of his pajamas glued to his warm skin, locks of dark hair sticking to his forehead, humming along to the only notes he can remember.

At times, Jongin hears songs that sound vaguely familiar and remind him of his dreams and curiosity sets in once again.

He wishes he would be able to look at the person singing to him in his dreams, he wishes he would be able to listen to him clearly and understand what that person is trying to tell him. It is said that we can’t dream of people we haven’t met in our life, but of this Jongin can’t really be certain because said person could as well be only a figment of his imagination.

As far as he can tell, the voice is a male one, however Jongin never really had any hopes of finding the person who has been haunting his dreams for years. Not until today, at least.

After spending much of his afternoon practicing the new dance moves he is going to perform at their school’s next soccer match, Jongin’s steps are taking him to the gym’s storage room when he hears something familiar: a few piano notes that speak to him.

Eyebrows furrowed in concentration and his heavy bear costume under one arm, Jongin cautiously makes his way in the school’s deserted corridor trying to locate the direction from which the music is coming. It is a suffused tune, sparse notes playing lazily.

When he arrives in front of the music room, after fishing his glasses from his trousers’ back pocket, he peers inside and sees someone swaying his head with the music.

From his position, Jongin can’t identify the person sitting at the old piano, but when he moves around in the attempt to see the other student’s face, he recognizes him instantly. It is Do Kyungsoo, and his mouth falls open in surprise.

The older student looks concentrated as he plays the well-known notes that Jongin has been dreaming about, hands moving gracefully above the piano keys. The jacket of his school uniform is lying beside him on the bench, the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up and his midnight blue necktie is still around the neck of his white shirt. He looks handsome and elegant, and Jongin can’t help but stare in awe.

He remains silent, carefully listening to the music to confirm that he is not hallucinating, but he has been dreaming of that same melody for so long that he is certain of what his hammering heart is telling him: Do Kyungsoo is Kim Jongin’s soulmate because he is unmistakably playing and singing along to the melody that has been resounding in his head for most of his short life.

The realization strikes him like a punch in the stomach and he holds his breath, clumsily letting the bear costume slip and drop on the floor.

In the room, Kyungsoo hears fumbling from the outside and his fingers stop mid-air before touching the piano keys. He gets up and walks to the door to find the younger student struggling to carry on one shoulder his big costume.

“Hyung, huh… hello.”

“Why are you here?” Kyungsoo asks and looks down at the bear costume, “oh, did you drop your costume again? You’re always so clumsy…” He shakes his head, and Jongin finds his uneasiness and stiff posture strange. They don’t really know each other, still, the shorter student’s frustrated expression takes him aback.

“Sorry, did I interrupt you?” He smiles shyly, still struggling to keep the costume from touching the floor.

“Not really… I was just playing something to distract myself,” the other shrugs, avoiding his gaze.

Jongin, right there and then, decides to be courageous and asks for an explanation: “Hyung, that song you were playing just now… I couldn’t help but listen to it since I was passing by on my way to the gym,” he starts, “W-where did you listen to it for the first time?”

“Oh, that song…” Confused Kyungsoo asks, and Jongin nods, trying not to show his excitement. His heart is beating a little faster at the idea of being so close to solving the mystery.

“I composed it,” Kyungsoo replies, “I’ve been playing the piano since I was five years old. I enjoy singing and composing.”

“D-did you compose it?” Jongin feels dizzy; he can’t believe what he has just heard. “A-are you serious?”

“Of course I am!” The older student looks affronted at the idea of Jongin accusing him of stealing someone else’s composition. “It’s not that original, but I can assure you that it’s mine. Hey, are you alright?” Jongin’s dazed expression worries Kyungsoo as he waves a hand in front of his face to bring him back to reality.

A group of younger students walks past them, chatting and bickering, school bags on their shoulders, ready to return home for the day.

The cherry blossoms are almost in bloom and Sehun is probably waiting for him at the school’s entrance, unaware of the myriad of thoughts spinning through his best friend’s mind.

Uncaring of his predicament, the world out there is moving fast, but Jongin feels dizzy as an unknown feeling sets in the pit of his stomach, churning his insides. Jongin takes a deep breath and feels his heart thumping wildly, his feet anchored to the ground heavy as boulders.

“W-we are soulmates,” he mutters, gaze fixed on Kyungsoo, and the latter freezes at his words.

“What did you just say?”

“We are soulmates, hyung,” Jongin repeats, voice steadier. In the stillness of the corridor, he realizes that his hands are sweating, and his cheeks must be on fire by now. What the hell is he trying to do? He only wanted to return the mascot costume and go home with Sehun, get their chemistry homework done, and maybe squeeze in a nap before dinner. But here he is, facing his soulmate.

“No.”

“No? What does—” He blinks, dumbfounded.

“It means that it can’t be you, Jongin.”

“Oh… b-but why, hyung? I’m certain that your composition is the one that I’ve been hearing in my dreams.” He points his index finger at the piano facing the big windows of the classroom. “I know the whole melody. How can you explain it?” He challenges.

Kyungsoo opens his mouth, however, nothing comes out of it and that confirms to Jongin that he must be aware of its underlying meaning.

“It’s just a coincidence. Nothing to think too much of,” he tries.

“We live in a world where people dream about a recognizable, defining feature of their soulmate, something that will stand out to them only, still are you telling me that I’m wrong? And how can you be so calm about the whole situation? It’s almost as if you—” Then he stops, a sudden realization dawning on him. “You knew… hyung, you knew that I’m your soulmate and you didn’t tell me,” he says, voice low and accusing.

“You’re right. I knew it.” Kyungsoo looks angry, but his guilty eyes betray him. “I recognized your laugh when I heard it at the pitch when we first met. And I’ve been dreaming about it more and more since then, though I wanted to forget it. It’s so frustrating, Jongin!” He impatiently passes a hand through his ebony hair, locks falling back in disarray on his forehead.

“Why?”

Shouldn’t Kyungsoo be happy that they had finally found each other? His behavior confuses him. Jongin has always dreamed of the moment he would be facing his soulmate and look them straight in the eye, knowing of the future ahead of them and of the time they had to get to know one another. He wanted all the cute dates, hand-holding, gifts exchanges, the love, and the affection that come with it, but Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to share his desire.

“I think there is a mistake. You can’t be the one. I don’t even like you.”

Jongin’s heart drops at the shorter student’s words.

He probably looks like an idiot: sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, grass stains dirtying his uniform’s trousers, and a worn-out, bulky bear costume hanging lifelessly from his left shoulder. It isn’t surprising that his soulmate doesn’t want him. How does it work? Is there some kind of office where he can go and complain because his soulmate just rejected him?

This is definitely not how Jongin had pictured meeting his soulmate for the first time, and as he struggles to fight back the tears threatening to spill, he does the best next thing he can think of: he runs away, ignoring Kyungsoo shouting for him to stop.

It is not until he finds himself sitting on the floor of the gym’s storage room that he realizes that, in his haste to get away from further embarrassing himself, he has let his bear costume drop on the floor again.

The poor thing is probably still lying abandoned on the floor outside the music room, but Jongin can’t bring himself to care as he sinks more on the floor, hugs his knees to his chest, buries his face in the arms folded above them, and lets the tears flow freely.

 

///

 

In the following days, when Jongin rethinks about his argument with Kyungsoo, he just wants to escape as far as possible – maybe change his name and migrate to another continent even – in order to never have to face the other again; though he also wonders about what will become of them now that everything is over. Actually, he thinks bitterly, things never even started between them.

Jongin plans on escaping from Kyungsoo the best he can because he thinks he will never have the courage to face him again after what happened. He feels tremendously anxious at the idea of suddenly seeing the older student around the school, not knowing what to do or how to act. Should he acknowledge his existence or ignore him?

Head low, he sighs and squats down clumsily, bear costume hindering his movements.

The sun is shining brightly on the field, and he is ready to ease his muscles and rehearse his routine under the shadow of a near sycamore tree.

“Nini! Nini!”

“Oh, Sehun, it’s you,” Jongin’s answer is devoid of any emotion.

“Thank God you’re wearing your glasses today, or else I wonder if you’d have recognized me,” he jokes.

Jongin lands a punch on his bicep and Sehun snorts.

The latter is already wearing his tracksuit, ready for the soccer team’s training session to start and sits down beside his friend, looking a little puzzled. “What happened? You look upset.”

The rays of the April sun are warm on Jongin’s face, and one after another, he can see all the team players arriving at the pitch for their biweekly training. There is no one on the bleachers today and his brother and the team Captain are yet to arrive, which leaves him a bit of time to talk to his best friend.

“It’s just that I don’t know what to do with a certain someone,” he sighs and crosses his legs, making himself comfortable on the ground, uncaring of the grass staining the bottom of his costume. He is sweating, the stuffy old bear costume clinging to his warm skin. He places its head part between his leg, pulling at the bear’s ears to distract himself.

“Do you like someone?”

“I don’t know…”

“What do you mean?” Sehun furrows his eyebrows. “Is it someone I know?” he adds, resting his weight on his hands, legs outstretched.

“Do Kyungsoo,” he murmurs.

“Who?”

“Sehun, I think Do Kyungsoo is my soulmate,” Jongin declares in a low voice, shoulders slumped.

“What?” Sehun shouts, “Nini, are you insane? You and Do Kyungsoo? You’re joking, aren’t you? Bro, I almost fell for it.” He laughs, slapping his friend’s back, but he stops when he sees Jongin’s distressed expression.

“Not really…”

“Oh, no. You’re serious,” Sehun mutters, realizing his mistake. “Oh, damn. You’re serious!”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to say!” Jongin bursts, frustration gaining the upper hand, “and he rejected me!” His bottom lip starts trembling and soon there are tears forming in his eyes.

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Jongin, please, don’t do this to me,” an alarmed Sehun rises onto his knees, body facing his friend, and then he sits back on his ankles. He attempts to soothe him by gently patting his back, feeling incredibly stupid for mocking him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay,” the other sniffles, blinking to will the tears not to spill. He points at his glasses with his bear paw and Sehun silently retrieves them from him and cleans them using his t-shirt.

“I’m sorry, Nini,” Sehun apologizes again once he has adjusted the glasses back on the mascot’s nose.

“If even my best friend finds it absurd… I’m such a loser. Now, I think I can understand why Kyungsoo hyung rejected me.”

“Kyungsoo hyung did what?” The other yells in disbelief, but Jongin’s lips remain sealed. “Hey, do you want to talk about it?”

Jongin nods after a few tense moments. He takes a deep breath and retells his chance encounter with his soulmate and his impromptu confession as objectively as he can.

Sehun listens to his story and interrupts every now and then only to ask questions to make sure that he understands correctly what his disgruntled friend is saying.

When Jongin finishes the narration, he can tell that Sehun is quite surprised of knowing the behind the story, and he waits patiently for him to collect his thoughts.

“Wow, this is a lot to take in,” he scratches the back of his head in thought. “First of all, I’m honestly surprised you had the courage to tell him that you’re his soulmate. Secondly, I still can’t believe that he is your soulmate.”

Jongin looks visibly unhappy, lips pouted.

Sehun can understand how much it must have cost him to talk to Kyungsoo, and he feels sorry for what happened. “I can’t believe he told you that… I should punch him in the face next time I see him! I don’t care that he is our hyung,” he declares, resolute. “In any case, are you certain that he is your soulmate?”

“Yeah… I was scared, but I was so sure he was going to be happy to find his soulmate that I didn’t consider what a loser I am,” Jongin sighs dejectedly. “Who would want to be with someone like me, anyway?”

“Dude, you’re a beautiful person and anybody would be lucky to have you,” Sehun tries cheering him up. “Be more confident! And if Kyungsoo hyung doesn’t want you, then let him be. I’m positive he will regret it,” he encourages.

“It’s okay, Sehun. Thank you.”

“Does Joonmyeon hyung know about it?”

“You’re the only one who knows.”

Jongin stands up and directs his steps to the side of the field. “Maybe, dancing will distract me a little…”

“Yeah, right,” but his best friend groans when he sees the other’s defeated expression. “We will think of something, I promise!”

Jongin either turns or answers him, and, in that moment, Sehun feels like the worst best friend to have ever graced the planet’s surface.

 

///

 

“Why is Oh Sehun looking at you like that?”                      

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, man… like you kill puppies for a living? He looks angry.” Baekhyun purses his lips, a concentrated expression on his face.

Kyungsoo turns and sees Sehun staring at him coldly, eyes unblinking. He shivers and looks away. “We don’t even talk… what’s wrong with him?!”

Baekhyun shrugs and keeps on walking towards their classroom, chatting about the Korean literature group project they are going to put together over the weekend.

The school day is almost over, and as they get to their seats, all Kyungsoo is thinking about is returning home with his friends and take a nap before starting on his homework for the next day.

Ten days have passed since his confrontation with Jongin, and he is still unsure on what to do about it. All he has been doing is avoiding the younger student hoping for the best, but, contrary to his initial belief, avoiding him has been quite hard because now Jongin seems to be everywhere: cheering at the pitch, having lunch in the school canteen, chatting with his friends around school, strolling in the courtyard in between lessons, and Kyungsoo is tired of running away.

After all, he doesn’t have any real reason to avoid him, or does he?

“Hey, still sighing? You do that a lot lately, you know?” Jongdae asks, head propped with one hand on his desk. “Is self-study hour too boring for you?”

“No, it’s not that…” Kyungsoo sighs.

“Look! You did it again!” Jongdae exclaims, index finger pointed at his classmate.

“Let him be, Jongdae. Maybe he hasn’t been sleeping well,” Chanyeol interjects, turning from his desk to chat with his friends. “Is it that laugh again?”

Kyungsoo exhales in defeat.

“Is it that irritating?”

“Well, not really, but sometimes it’s pretty annoying and—”

“Hey, Kyungsoo, there is someone looking for you,” one of his classmates interrupts him, and the trio is surprised to see none other than Oh Sehun standing at the door, arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face.

“Why is he here?” Chanyeol wonders.

“You should go,” Jongdae elbows Kyungsoo and the latter stands up and crosses the classroom in long strides, curious about Sehun’s presence there, and secretly hoping that he hasn’t come to see him because of Jongin.

However, to Kyungsoo’s great dismay, the younger student came looking for him precisely to talk about his best friend’s broken heart as Sehun swiftly reveals the reason for his visit once they reach the school’s music room. At this hour of the day it is empty and Kyungsoo can’t help but go back to the conversation he had in that same classroom with Jongin days before.

“Listen, I’m not forcing you to do or say something, but I want you to know that Jongin is like a brother to me, and his sadness is my sadness,” Sehun starts, each word pronounced as if he had thought a lot about what to say.

He is pacing back and forth, while Kyungsoo quietly sits on a desk, legs dangling in the air.

“So, you’re really here for Jongin.”

“Kyungsoo hyung, Jongin is my best friend and I know that I shouldn’t meddle in your business, but he has been spacing out a lot lately, and he has been questioning himself more than ever.”

“Has he told you about his dreams?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I’ve always known about them and he was so happy to know that one day he was going to find his soulmate… how can you not even give him a chance?” He pleads, looking like a kicked puppy.

Kyungsoo sighs, eyes on his trainers dangling back and forth in the air. “You see, he seems to be a nice guy, but I don’t think we would make for a good couple.”

“Why? You don’t know him! Jongin’s grades are quite good, he is a great dancer, and a sweet and kindhearted guy with a beautiful personality. Babies love him, puppies love him, your mom will love him!” Sehun counts on his fingers.

Kyungsoo chuckles, taken aback. “You’re one hell of a best friend, you know?”

“I can be pretty persuasive when I want to, and Jongin deserves it. Still, don’t tell him that I came to see you because I’m positive he will kick my ass,” he snorts. “All joking aside, this whole situation isn’t fair to Jongin. You can simply say ‘hey, I think I don’t like you, deal with it,’ and move on with your life the following moment, but what about Jongin? You’re his one and only soulmate, yet he could spend the rest of forever alone because you’re too stubborn to give him a chance!”

“Way to lighten up the mood and not pressure me at all. Thanks, man,” he jokes, but deep down he feels uneasy at the possibility of bestowing misery on someone else so out of the blue.

Sehun snorts again. “Just think about it, hyung. Please? I won’t say anything else.”

Kyungsoo arches one eyebrow at him, hops off the desk, and exits the classroom, leaving the younger student behind himself wondering if campaigning for his friend was really the right thing to do.

 

///

 

“Kyungsoo, how are you?” Comes Baekhyun’s loud scream from the other end of the line, the static doing nothing to make his voice less annoying.

“We separated less than two hours ago, Baek, and nothing has changed since then, thanks,” he replies listlessly, his mobile phone wedged between his shoulder and ear as he organizes the clean clothes scattered on his bed.

“But I have news! Great news! The biggest news ever!”

“Shoot.”

“Before that: what did Oh Sehun want from you?”

“Nothing.”

“Your tone tells me otherwise,” Baekhyun insists.

“Baek, let me be,” Kyungsoo says.

“Okay, okay. Anyway, Yixing hyung is my soulmate! Kyungsoo, can you believe it? I’m so damn happy!” Baekhyun screams and Kyungsoo stops, dropping a pair of striped socks.

“What did you just say?”

“Zang Yixing is my soulmate. I just found out that the heart shaped scar I’ve been dreaming about all my life is his! He has this cute little scar on his chest and I would have never found out about it if Jongdae hadn’t thrown a bucket of cold water on him after practice this afternoon. That Jongdae is a menace, I swear. Sometimes he has the worst ideas… anyway, my poor Yixing was shivering like crazy, but when he stripped I recognized it! The scar was there and oh my God, Kyungsoo, are you listening?”

“Yeah, congratulations. And what about Yixing hyung?” Kyungsoo gives up organizing clothes into neat stacks and falls face first on the first cushion he can reach, mobile phone on speakers.

“He was utterly surprised because he suspected that I liked him, but he said nothing because he wanted to get to know me better and, really, what are the chances of us liking each other even before knowing that we are soulmates? He told me about his dreams and the scar he has been dreaming about, and guess what? He had been dreaming about the moon shaped scar I have behind my left ear. The one I cover with my hair.”

“That’s… wow. I’m happy for you,” Kyungsoo replies, still shocked at his friend’s revelation. “Are you going to go out with him?”

“Of course! He is my soulmate. Fate must have paired us together because we are perfect for each other,” he giggles.

Kyungsoo can imagine his friend grinning from ear to ear at the other end of the line, comfortably snuggled on his bed. “Right,” he murmurs.

“Yixing hyung is so cool and handsome, and I couldn’t wait to tell you. I’m so excited!”

“I can tell.”

“Fate sure works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Kyungsoo forces out a laugh, but his mind is elsewhere, and he can hear Baekhyun going on and on about how happy he is to have found out that Yixing is his soulmate since he liked him so much already, but, somehow, the words don’t register. He is too immersed in his own thoughts to pay any attention to his friend.

 

///

 

“You look totally out of it. Something is on your mind, isn’t it?”

“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo mumbles.

Chanyeol sighs and gestures for his water bottle. “What’s wrong with you? You’re always so distracted, and I don’t think it has to do with either school or something we’ve done. Baekhyun and Jongdae are worried and asked me to talk to you, though.”

“I’m fine,” he repeats, feeling beads of sweat trickle down his spine.

Summer is almost there and there are fewer people on the bleachers watching the soccer team play, but they try coming for Jongdae and for Baekhyun supporting Yixing.

“I suspect Baekhyun is in the changing room with Yixing hyung. They are inseparable, don’t you think? And absolutely revolting with their displays of affection,” he grimaces. “However, I’m here to talk to you. So, tell me everything.”

Kyungsoo exhales and watches his friend make himself comfortable in his seat and put on a black snapback to protect his eyes from the scorching sun. “It’s too warm today, damn,” he murmurs.

“You should stop wearing your favourite giant hoodie then. Wear normal polo t-shirts or anything lighter, for all I care,” Kyungsoo shakes his head at his friend’s attire.

“I like my hoodies just fine, thank you very much, and don’t try changing the subject. I was assigned a mission,” he wiggles his eyebrows and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at his cheesiness.

On the soccer field, the players are running, warming up in small groups as they get ready for their upcoming match. He spots Baekhyun near the field, a towel in one hand and an energy drink in the other one, sporting a bright smile as Yixing jogs to his teammates.

“Chanyeol, what do you expect from your soulmate?”

His friend considers his question for a few moments before answering. “Nothing?”

Kyungsoo blinks in confusion.

“Let me explain,” Chanyeol starts, “I believe in the concept of soulmates, but you already know it. Let’s say that one day I accidentally meet my soulmate. There is literally nothing that I can like or dislike about them since I don’t know them, right? So, why should I worry? And if they are someone I know, then it’s fine nonetheless because one thing is knowing someone as a friend, and another one is knowing them as lovers. If we are destined to be together, it will happen.”

“I guess you’re right…”

“Soo, are you worried about not finding your soulmate? You know, nowadays, it’s much easier to find your soulmate thanks to the internet and the multitude of matchmaking agencies out there.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about…”

The taller student nods and they remain silent for a minute, lost in thought.

“I pretty excited about meeting my destined one, you know? And I’ll think of myself as an extremely lucky person if I manage to find them, and what happens after that will happen,” Chanyeol smiles.

“You make it so easy, but what if they aren’t the person you thought they would be?”

Chanyeol’s reply comes immediately. “I’ll do my best to know all I can about them, and decide for myself if I really want to be with them.”

“So, do you believe in the concept of soulmates or not?” Kyungsoo scoffs.

“Yeah, but, you see, many people don’t jump into relationships when they find their destined soulmate, but, instead, invest time and energy in getting to know them first. And some other people find their soulmates fairly early in life and are unhappy with the person they’ve been matched with before they even give them a chance. Honestly, I think that destiny is one thing, but love is entirely another one.”

“Are you implying that we are free to do what we want?”

Chanyeol purses his lips. “I suppose fate _suggests_ you what to do, but if it doesn’t work then it’s fine to do what you see fit. In the end, the decision is yours and no one else’s.”

“A suggestion, you say. I never would have considered that,” Kyungsoo admits. “I just don’t want to be tied to someone because some higher power believes that he is my soulmate,” he mumbles, looking down at his trainers.

“Is your soulmate a complete stranger?”

“No, he is—” he stops, realizing his mistake, eyes widening.

“Ah, so that’s it. You’ve found your soulmate,” Chanyeol shakes his head in disappointment. “I thought you’d have told us, but, as always, you’re too serious for your own good.”

“What do you mean?” A bewildered Kyungsoo scoffs. He takes a swig of water from his bottle and struggles to ignore the elephants stomping and rolling around in his stomach.

On the field, Jongin has made his appearance and is currently rehearsing his routine, unaware of the older student’s eyes on him. He is wearing a pair of shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt, bare feet moving graciously on the green expanse of grass.

However, Kyungsoo’s attention is soon caught by three young girls still wearing their uniforms despite being late afternoon. They are strolling to the field arm in arm, towards an unsuspecting Jongin.

Kyungsoo tries ignoring them, but when one of the girls offers an energy drink to the tall student interrupting his routine, he frowns.

“Jongin is quite popular among younger girls, but he would always disappear into the void whenever he’s surrounded by unwanted attention,” Chanyeol says, following Kyungsoo’s gaze. “Too bad he is too fearful to ask any of them out for a date. I guess being a dancer and wearing a cute bear costume is a magnet for certain girls… unfortunately, I have two left feet,” he frowns.

“It’s embarrassing,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath, eyes still on the female trio doing small talk with Jongin.

The younger student is drenched in sweat, but his dazzling smile clearly fascinates the girls circling him, and when they all laugh at something one of them has said, Kyungsoo hears the obnoxious laugh that haunts his dreams still.

“What?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to explain all that he is feeling, doesn’t know how to respond. So, he answers him truthfully. “His stupid costume, his stupid laugh, everything!”

“Hey, hey! Calm down, what are you—wait…” The taller student’s gaze lands once again on the school mascot currently wiping his sweat with a towel, a stiff smile on his face.

“Don’t!” Warns Kyungsoo.

“Shut up! Oh my, Kim Jongin, awkward, clumsy Kim Jongin, is your soulmate?! No way!” Chanyeol’s eyes widen, a finger pointed at the younger student.

“I hate you.” Kyungsoo stands up, expression darkening, and moves to leave the bleachers, but the taller grabs his shoulders and forces him again in his seat.

“Ouch, that hurt, idiot!”

“Shut up! This is important, tell me the truth!”

“If you tell me to shut up only one more time I swear, Park Chanyeol, I’m going to—”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, honeybee,” the other shushes him. “So, Kim Jongin.”

Chanyeol’s hands are on his arms, effectively stopping him from going anywhere, and Kyungsoo gives up escaping.

“Yes, I think he is my soulmate,” he concedes, voice devoid of any emotion.

“But why are you so upset? Does Jongin know? If you think that I’ll let it slip out, don’t worry, I—”

“He knows.”

Chanyeol furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Oh, really? I feel as if something is weird, though.”

“Because it is weird, you, dumbass! Jongin is so… so timid, and awkward, you said it yourself. And he is the school mascot… how can he be my soulmate?” Kyungsoo almost shouts.

“So what?”

“W-what?”

“Have you confirmed it with him? Are you his soulmate?”

“I am,” he nods.

“Congratulations, dude, I envy you so much. Jongin is a kind and humble guy. You should ask him out for a date,” he says, slapping Kyungsoo’s back.

“It’s not that simple…”

“Why?”

“Because I have plans for my life. I want to become someone and there he is, dancing in a dumb bear costume for all the school to see and laugh,” Kyungsoo says, frustrated. “How was I supposed to react when he told me that I’m his soulmate?”

“Don’t tell me that you rejected him!” Chanyeol raises his voice in disbelief.

“No, I didn’t! At least, not really?”

“What are you even talking about, Soo!”

The shorter exhales. “Listen, I might have accidentally rejected him, but I was caught off guard and I panicked, okay?” Kyungsoo defends himself when he sees his friend’s skeptical expression. “I don’t know much about him, but I’m positive he isn’t my type.”

“Kyungsoo, these are excuses, and you know that,” Chanyeol states. “Something tells me that deep in your heart you know exactly why you’re searching excuses to escape the situation, but if that’s what you want, then suit yourself.”

The shorter man frowns at his friend’s words. Chanyeol was never one to sugar coat his thoughts and Kyungsoo massages his temples, already feeling a headache coming on.

“However – about him being the school mascot and a dancer – Soo, look at him. He is happy doing what he loves the most and, truthfully, I never pictured you to be this superficial. I’m afraid you’re the dumb one here,” Chanyeol accuses him with a frown. “If you don’t like him doing what he wants and enjoying himself, then I think _you_ are the one who doesn’t deserve him and not the other way round like you seem to believe. I’m sorry, but I’m not with you on this one,” Chanyeol says, giving him a judging look.

 

///

 

Standing near the big floor-to-ceiling windows looking down at the school grounds, Kyungsoo is watching from afar with a small smile on his face as Jongin almost trips on an oblivious student’s feet and constantly squints to see what is in front of him as he walks distractedly, munching on a chocolate bar.

Kyungsoo finds the younger’s determination not to use his glasses endearing, but also dangerous.

He recalls Sehun’s words of weeks before – his wish for Kyungsoo to “just think about it” – together with Chanyeol’s words, and the student groans in irritation.

He has been observing Jongin for days and he is positive that the first-year student isn’t exactly his ideal type, but he can at least try being his friend, can’t he?

He takes one last sip of his strawberry milk, tosses the carton into the nearest trashcan with one perfect throw, and lets his steps guide him to Jongin.

“Hey.”

“G-good morning, Kyungsoo hyung,” replies a startled Jongin.

Kyungsoo surprises the taller by grabbing his left bicep and guiding him outside, far from the students crowding the corridor. He keeps his hand on Jongin’s lower back, guiding him and feeling his skin tremble under his hand, amused at how the younger reacts to his touch.

Through the school’s courtyard, they walk in the direction of the greenhouse side by side.

Jongin seems to be hyper-aware of the other’s presence beside him because he often looks at him, fingers tightening imperceptibly around the forgotten chocolate bar secured in his hand.

Kyungsoo thinks it is funny that someone as tall and broad as Jongin can be intimidated by someone like him, a span shorter of the mascot and a little chubbier in the cheeks, but he pays no mind to it since Baekhyun and Chanyeol often tell him that there is quite a number of students who stay away from him because they are afraid of him.

The school’s greenhouse is a little garden where two professors coordinate a group of students who, at the beginning of each school year, take up gardening by signing up for the botanical club. The greenhouse is off-limits to the general student body, but Kyungsoo, being a member of the botanical club since his first year, is granted access to it at all times.

The greenhouse is only a small cultivation of sown seeds and potted plants growing beautifully thanks to the regulated indoor temperature that allows for seasonal flowers to grow year-round: tulips, lilies, daisies, hibiscus, begonias, roses, all in different colors and shades.

Stepping inside, Kyungsoo can see that not much has changed since his last visit, and he gestures for Jongin to follow him to a small bench facing three low bushes of red roses.

“I’m the Vice President of the botanical club. That’s why I have the key,” he explains, catching Jongin’s unsure expression.

“Oh, I see… I wasn’t around last year, so I couldn’t have known.”

The older student dips his head, pocketing the key and thinking of something to talk about, but, the next moment, he is distracted by the delicate vanilla scent of Jongin’s shampoo wafting over and making his insides tingle.

Everything about him is delicate and gentle, and he can’t help but think that Jongin’s perceived image clashes terribly with his real personality. Who could have known that a pretty boy like him, with his broad shoulders and tall frame, younger brother of the soccer club’s manager and friends with some of the most popular students of the school, would be such an introvert?

“Are you always this quiet?”

“Huh?” Jongin’s eyes widen at the question. He was lost in thought, eyes fixed on the little red roses in front of him.

“Are you always this lost in your own world?”

“Joonmyeon hyung says that I’m too shy for my own good, but at times I can’t really understand what he means since this is who I have always been. I don’t know how to be different,” he rubs the back of his head, smiling sheepishly.

And Kyungsoo lets the argument drop, wanting to make the younger feel comfortable.

“Did I surprise you before?”

“A little, yeah…”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine… d-do you like flowers?”

“I do,” Kyungsoo replies.

“Why?”

“You see, you can do what you want with them,” he starts, “and it’s empowering to see something grow and bloom because of your attentions and care. There is no doubt that it takes more than a little effort to successfully grow some of the most delicate flowers, but there is nothing quite like knowing that you have a high quality of flowers to cherish and that you have taken extra care to properly grow them. It’s a nice feeling and a quite relaxing hobby.”

“I wouldn’t have bet on your liking gardening,” Jongin laughs lightly, clearly embarrassed. “Your image is a little…”

“I know. Am I really that scary?” Kyungsoo jokes. He takes note of the younger’s shoulders looking less stiff as he shakes his head, averting his gaze.

“No, no, absolutely. That’s not what I meant…” He defends himself.

Kyungsoo chuckles and is happy to see the other relax noticeably and smile more as the conversation progresses.

“Oh, but why aren’t you wearing your glasses? I don’t see Sehun around often, yet whenever I see him he is scolding you for being a danger to yourself or others without them,” Kyungsoo wonders.

“I think they don’t suit me and that is why I usually use contact lenses, but sometimes they irritate my eyes and I can’t use them for a while.”

“I see, but you’re cute with your glasses,” Kyungsoo encourages him.

“Am I?”

Kyungsoo smiles, amused at the other’s excitement, but doesn’t answer. Instead, he explains to Jongin how they take care of the flowers of the greenhouse: how they usually use the money they collect to buy fertilizers and seeds, the importance of a perfect temperature for certain kinds of flowers to grow up beautifully, how they focus on lighting, and so on.

He even shows Jongin his favourite potted plants and manages to convince the latter to water the soil of the rose bushes he has been taking care of.

If Jongin is bored by Kyungsoo’s incessant blubbering and mini tour, he doesn’t show it, politely listening and nodding from time to time. He asks questions when he is curious about something, but, overall, he seems to enjoy the peacefulness offered by the silent buds in bloom, and Kyungsoo feels great satisfaction in the fact that he can coax him into opening up a little more with every minute they spend together.

“Hyung, thank you for not ignoring me anymore,” Jongin says suddenly, his hands intertwine with each other repeatedly as he fidgets with them. “I like it more when you’re nice and talk to me.”

“Why? What am I when I’m not?”

“Hot.”

“W-what?” Kyungsoo splutters, taken aback. “What did you just say?”

Jongin gets shy once again and lowers his head to avoid the other’s gaze. “It just came out like that, and… it’s because, most of the time, I can only look at you from afar.”

Kyungsoo is reminded of all the times he had avoided the younger in the past weeks before deciding to stop being a moron, and he feels utterly stupid. Poor Jongin was only trying to befriend him and certainly didn’t deserve the silent treatment.

“I see.”

“It’s okay, though. I understand,” Jongin says in a hurry.

“You get frustrated easily, don’t you?”

“I know…”

“It’s kind of cute,” Kyungsoo smiles lightly.

“Really?” Jongin flushes a little, biting on his lower lip to prevent a big smile from making its way onto his face.

“Yeah, a bit,” and he risks ruffling the other’s brown hair.

As expected, Jongin’s hair is as soft and as silky as he had thought, and a pleasant feeling spreads in his chest when he sees the taller grin, eyes crinkling in delight.

And maybe, Kyungsoo thinks, he can’t picture himself together with the younger now, but the two of them being friends can’t be a bad thing.

 

///

 

After deciding to spend time with Jongin, Kyungsoo feels much better, for once Sehun has stopped looking at him as if he kills puppies for a living, and, secondly, Jongin actually makes for good company.

The first-year student is often terribly uncoordinated and of few words, but they are now closer than Kyungsoo could have thought possible.

It just didn’t sit right with him to deny the younger student the possibility to get to know the soulmate that fate destined to him, even though Kyungsoo wasn’t one to believe in such things. And that is why he had agreed to go out with his friends and the football team members to celebrate their latest victory. After all, it was Friday night and they had a whole free weekend ahead of them.

“Sehun, pass me the ketchup,” Jongdae shouts from across the table, gesturing for the red plastic bottle in front of the other student.

“Catch it, hyung,” the other yells back before throwing the ketchup at him.

“Thanks, man!” Answers Jongdae as he puts ketchup all over their chips rather than on the side, eliciting screams from half the table. “Relax, buddies. I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re the absolute worst, dude,” Chanyeol grimaces, bringing a big slice of pizza to his mouth.

“I love you too, honey,” Jongdae winks.

“Today’s match was hell. My legs hurt like crazy,” Minseok interjects, face scrunched in pain. “You’ll have to take me home, Yixing. Can you—” but the football team Captain shakes his head when he sees how distracted Yixing is, all thanks to a certain Byun Baekhyun.

“They’re head over heels for each other, aren’t they?” Jongdae clicks his tongue at his friends’ cute interactions.

“Young love is such a beautiful thing,” Chanyeol exhales dreamily.

“Shut up, man. What do you even know about young love?” Jongdae snickers.

“I was having a moment here. I swear you’re the most annoying person I know, Kim Jongdae,” Chanyeol snorts.

“Whatever, darling. You know you love me,” he blows him a kiss.

“You wish! And stop doing that, please!”

Laughs follow his disgruntled yells, but Kyungsoo is distracted by Jongin. The younger student is sitting across from him, beside Sehun. He is giggling in delight, at their friends’ antics, cheeks rosy and fingers covering his mouth. He has been silent the whole night, following the general conversation going on without uttering a single word, still, he managed to stand out to Kyungsoo for his mannerisms and politeness.

Once dinner is over, they all separate and Kyungsoo is surprised to see Jongin walk towards the nearest bus stop, a few steps behind him. When he turns, Jongin startles and nearly drops the big plastic bag in which he carries his bear mascot costume.

“Are you taking the bus number 214, perhaps?” Kyungsoo asks, index finger pointed at the bus stop ahead of them.

“Joonmyeon hyung can’t come pick me up, so…”

“I see.”

When the bus arrives, they sit together, each immersed in his own thoughts, until Jongin decides to muster up some courage and break the ice.

“Kyungsoo hyung, are the flowers growing well?”

“Huh?” He hums distractedly. “Of course. More flowers have bloomed since your last visit. I think you should come again to the greenhouse sometime,” he proposes.

A big smile splits Jongin’s face and he dips his head shyly. “I’ll come visit again.”

Kyungsoo’s gaze falls on the bear costume closed in the plastic bag laying in between the younger’s legs and he gestures to it. “Why did you become a cheerleader for the soccer team?”

“Well, they needed one and I like dancing,” he answers. “Actually, Sehun begged me and I just couldn’t say no. We have been best friends since middle school and, even though he also was a member of the dancing club, he quit because he wanted to try soccer in high school. And I guess he did the right thing because he is pretty good at it, isn’t he?”

“He is,” Kyungsoo replies, a little surprised because he has probably never heard Jongin talk so much at once, and he finds it fascinating how the taller student can surprise him every time. “So, you used to dance in middle school.”

“I loved it, but our high school doesn’t have a dancing club, thus I go to a private dance academy not far from where my family lives. At first, I didn’t want to go since I’m not well-versed in social interactions, but Joonmyeon hyung insisted so much… but I’m grateful he did because I like it,” he smiles brightly.

“That’s good.”

Someone bumps into his bear costume and Jongin immediately apologizes and moves the plastic bag more towards himself.

“I’m bringing it home so my mom can wash it for me… my bear costume is ridiculous, isn’t it?” He asks, not looking at Kyungsoo. “However, I’m grateful for it because otherwise, I think I wouldn’t be able to dance in front of the whole school and cheer for the team. As of now, not many people know that I’m the cheerleader, and I’m fine with it. I guess it’s because people don’t really care about who is the one cheerleading, but maybe they will start mocking me for it once they know…”

“The soccer club won’t allow it,” Kyungsoo says. “They’re your friends.”

“The only friends I have, actually,” Jongin laughs awkwardly.

“Is it really okay?”

Kyungsoo sees him biting on his bottom lip, probably carefully thinking about what he is going to say.

“I’m aware of the fact that I really don’t make an effort to talk to anyone besides my hyung, my parents, some members of the soccer club, and Sehun. And I recognize that I have no one to blame but myself for it.”

“Jongin, you shouldn’t blame yourself for wanting to interact only with those who make you feel comfortable and loved; and shall I remind you that making friends isn’t easy at all?” Kyungsoo tries, eyebrows furrowed. He instinctively puts a hand on one of the younger’s knees, patting him gently. 

“Sometimes, my insecurity makes me feel inadequate in life because there are things that I want to do, but my shy character prevents me from doing them. In that sense, it becomes a hindrance and I see it as a burden for my growth.”

Kyungsoo nods in understanding. “Yet, don’t be too hard on yourself, huh? You’re a judicious guy, Jongin. I’m sure you know what’s best for you.”

The first-year student simply scratches the back of his head and briefly looks at the shorter man, eyes bright and thankful, and the beauty of it all is enough to render Kyungsoo speechless for the rest of the ride.

At least, until Jongin stands up and clumsily walks down the bus steps, dragging his bulky mascot costume with him.

From the side of the road, Kyungsoo sees Jongin wave at him hesitantly and he waves back, mouthing a goodbye.

 

///

 

“Hyung, can I ask you a question?”

“What is it?”

Once again, they are eating their lunches in the school’s deserted greenhouse. Jongin had been the one to approach him and ask if he could join him for lunch to see the bloomed flowers and Kyungsoo had hummed his agreement and guided him outside the building, the greenhouse’s key dangling in his palm.

Kyungsoo is sitting on the floor, legs stretched before him and back resting against the warm low wall drenched by the sunlight coming from the glass roof up above their heads. Beside him, Jongin is mirroring his posture, examining the potted plants prospering in the terracotta vases all around them.

When Kyungsoo prods him to go on and ask his question, he gulps down, uneasy. He imagines the younger student overthinking his words before gathering up enough courage to be upfront and speak his mind.

“After that one time, I never brought it up again…” He starts in a low voice and, somehow, Kyungsoo immediately understands that he is referring to his rejection at the music room.

Jongin takes a deep breath and continues, eyes carefully trained on the sandwich he is holding with both hands. “My question is: why don’t you believe in soulmates?”

His voice is merely audible and Kyungsoo sighs, looking up at him and then back at his hands in his lap. “It’s not that I don’t believe in soulmates, Jongin… it’s more like, is there any particular reason why I _should_ believe that there is some entity out there playing matchmaker? The concept itself is a little…”

“Sehun says that I should make you suffer, but the truth is that I felt as if I was doing the right thing when I confessed to you that I’m—I mean, was your soulmate,” he corrects himself, and Kyungsoo mentally flinches at the insecurity in his voice. “There wasn’t Joonmyeon hyung pushing me, or my parents, or Sehun.”

“I’m not saying that you can’t—”

“What I mean to say is that I’m happy I did it. I don’t regret it. But, hyung, what about Yixing hyung and Baekhyun hyung? They are happy together and they found each other because they dreamed of a characteristic of their soulmate that stood out to them only,” he insists.

“I guess it can happen… theirs was a fortunate coincidence,” Kyungsoo suggests, sipping at his can of soda. He puts it down soon after and loosens the striped necktie wrapped around the collar of his white shirt. The greenhouse is warmer in this time of the year and the sun shining brightly through the glass roof doesn’t help at all, together with their stuffy school uniforms.

“I don’t believe you,” comes Jongin’s sad reply.

Kyungsoo doesn’t want to question his beliefs because he knows that the younger believes in soulmates and destiny, but he finds himself blurting out the question anyway.

“Why do you believe in it?”

Jongin blinks.

“How do you know that we would be perfect for each other?”

“I don’t know it, but I’m willing to try,” he offers. “All the happy couples I know were so glad to finally find their destined one that I couldn’t wait to find mine too and—”

“It’s because of my parents,” Kyungsoo confesses, hands trembling slightly.

“What?”

“My parents, Jongin. They are divorced. They are—were soulmates, I don’t know anymore,” he says, massaging his temples. “I live with my mom and I can see my dad whenever I want. I don’t hate them for separating, but it still doesn’t change the fact that they’re divorced and you—”

Jongin looks at him with sad eyes and Kyungsoo feels sorry for upsetting him once again.

“I don’t know if I _want_ or _can_ believe in soulmates anymore. I’m sorry, Jongin. It wasn’t my intention to burst your happy bubble, but that’s what I think.”

A minute of complete silence follows Kyungsoo’s honest admission, and the older student is overwhelmed by both the silence outside and the noise inside his head.

Jongin draws his legs up and rests his hands on top of his knees, eyes downcast. “Now I understand and, you see, I’m always anxious and tense around unknown people. I would rather be alone than spend time with other students I don’t know or even with some of my cousins and uncles, but, hyung, I’m comfortable around you,” Jongin murmurs, surprising even himself with his sudden confession. “And I’m not sure if I like being with you because I know that we are soulmates or if because… if it’s because I like you, just you. A lot… but it has to mean something.”

Kyungsoo stops and looks up to him as a sheepish smile graces Jongin’s features, and the shorter student’s breath is caught in his throat. He nods dumbly and Jongin returns to his sandwich, taking small bites out of it.

They remain silent for the rest of lunch break, and Kyungsoo has time to realize that never in his life has he felt this uneasy at the idea of hurting the feelings of someone as gentle as Jongin.

 

///

 

Kyungsoo is crouched in front of a rose bush he had just finished trimming, examining his handiwork, stomach curling with an unfamiliar sensation.

He has been squatting like that for a while, forgetting about getting anything else done, too perturbed to think clearly about anything else.

He pauses for a moment, sighing deeply before standing up and sitting on the nearest bench to take note of a few things the botanical club needs to buy before the end of next week. He doesn’t realize that his blue pen is leaving a blot of ink on the white sheet of paper as he loses himself in thoughts of what he has been doing for the past few days.

Once again, he is back to his old habit of avoiding his soulmate, even after all the time they have spent together during their lunch breaks – talking about comics and video games while sharing Jongin’s chocolate bars – or hanging out together with their now shared group of friends.

He has lost sleep thinking about how he avoided Jongin yesterday, the day before yesterday, and so on. His mind goes back to all the times he has dodged the younger’s attempts at small talk, how Jongin’s face had looked every single time he had made up imaginary appointments to have an excuse to run away from him.

Kyungsoo has forced himself not to think about how scared he is to face his own feelings, but it looks like he is failing badly.

He sighs, putting down both the notebook and the pen to aimlessly stroll around the greenhouse, trying to clear his mind.

Chanyeol had actually let his secret slip out and now everyone in their circle of friends knows that the two of them are soulmates. Kyungsoo had sidestepped their friends’ questions the best he could, but poor Jongin had looked miserable.

“I’m so stupid,” he murmurs under his breath, threading his fingers through his ebony hair.

As days went by, he couldn’t help but fear that Jongin was perhaps getting too attached to him, his hopes about carving a spot for himself into Kyungsoo’s heart raising more and more, and the latter found it scary because he realized he was letting Jongin do just as he pleased.

The easiness with which Jongin was creeping into his heart and thoughts was alarming, and he had pushed the other away in the attempt to save his heart and be again in control of the situation.

“Kyungsoo, are you there?” Someone calls from the greenhouse’s main door and Kyungsoo replies, recognizing Baekhyun’s voice.

He sits cross-legged on the floor and waits for his friend to slowly make his way through potted plants and flower bushes.

“So, Chanyeol was right,” he mumbles, hands at his sides and a concerned expression on his face. “What are you doing here alone?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer and Baekhyun sighs, squatting down beside him and poking him in the cheek. “Hey, Soo, what’s wrong?” His tone is gentle. “Is it about Jongin? If we said something wrong then you should tell us and—”

“He is so full of kindness, warmth, and all the pleasant things in this world,” Kyungsoo blurts out, tone desperate. “Baekhyun, I don’t think I deserve him, not after how I treated him. What do I do?”

“So, this is the reason why you have been avoiding him?” His friend glides to the floor and frowns at the dust and soil dirtying his uniform’s treasures. “Listen, I’m not saying that I agree with how you have managed the situation until now, but you’re really only seeing one side of the coin. You always believed that you deserved the chance to find someone who would love you for you and Jongin probably wanted the same thing, even if he knew that you two were matched. I bet he wanted you to judge him for who he was and not because of weird dreams he had no power over.”

Kyungsoo listens in silence, not sure about where the conversation is going.

“We all know how much you hate not being in control of a situation, of your feelings, of your thoughts, basically everything. You’re a control freak, Kyungsoo, but we love you, nonetheless. And Jongin could be aware of this side of your personality, yet he doesn’t seem to mind. He respected your decision to not jump straight into a relationship, letting the two of you build a friendship from scratch instead of starting out with the knowledge that since you are soulmates you are destined to be together because you just _have_ to like him, and all that jazz.”

“I guess you’re right…”

“I know I am, dumbass!” Baekhyun scoffs. He circles his friend’s shoulders and squeezes them. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

The same words he spoke to Jongin resound in the air, and he sinks more into his friend’s warm embrace.

“I know that after your parents’ divorce it isn’t easy for you, but, Kyungsoo, allow yourself to fall in love and be loved in return if you want it.”

“How did you know that you liked Yixing hyung?” Kyungsoo mumbles.

“Well, I fell for him gradually, and I know I like him because there are things I want to do for him only and no one else, and there are times I want to be with him and no one else. I want him to know just how special he is to me and that I care for him, and I want him to be happy, always… something like that?” He grins. “Does it make sense?”

And it makes sense because Kyungsoo has started feeling it: his affection for Jongin growing day by day together with the need to have the younger student near him. He can feel his need to have his smiles directed to him only, and he can’t help but find endearing the idea of Jongin using their friends and newly formed friendship as an excuse to spend time with him.

Kyungsoo feels dizzy and gulps, suddenly overwhelmed by the possibility of harboring feelings for Jongin.

“God, Baek, I think I like him,” Kyungsoo murmurs, voice barely audible. “And I feel so stupid because, really, how can someone _not_ like him?”

“Are these your honest feelings?”

Kyungsoo looks Baekhyun straight in the eye and nods once, cheeks flushed pink.

“Aww, so cute,” his friend says, pinching one of his cheeks.

“Do that again and I will end you,” Kyungsoo warns.

“I’m a weak man: I see a chubby cheek, I pinch. But that’s the spirit! This is the Kyungsoo I know. Now you only need to gather the courage to go get him,” he encourages, pumping a fist up in the air, and Kyungsoo groans.

“God, shut up.”

“All joking aside, at this point, the fact that you’re soulmates doesn’t change anything, other than the fact that the universe always thought that you were made for each, anyway,” he laughs a little at Kyungsoo’s frustration.

“Baek, I don’t know what to do,” he says, not sure where to start.

Kyungsoo hasn’t seen Jongin in the past four days and he is worried the younger may have given up on him. And if he hasn’t, then Kyungsoo isn’t sure of how to apologize and set things right between them.

“First of all, you should stop avoiding him,” Baekhyun counts on his fingers, “secondly, seriously, stop avoiding him.”

Kyungsoo groans some more and buries his head in his hands when he sees his friend glaring at him.

“You’re so unhelpful!”

“I don’t plan on making it any easier for you. Sorry,” Baekhyun shrugs.

“I keep seeing him in my dreams, Baek, and it has to mean something, doesn’t it?”

Jongin’s words from weeks before echo in his own ears and his friend pats his back reassuringly.

“Now, we’re finally getting somewhere.”

 

///

 

The cherry blossoms in the school courtyard are truly a sight to behold when they are in full bloom, the flowers of different shades of pink gently swaying in the afternoon spring breeze.

The courtyard is mostly empty, but Kyungsoo is waiting.

Anticipation and dread burn in the back of Kyungsoo’s throat as he waits for Jongin at the school’s entrance. He would like very much to still be in their classroom right now, surrounded by his classmates. What is he going to say? He is uncharacteristically nervous.

“Hyung?”

The older student jumps at the voice calling for him and he turns to see Jongin standing not far from him, glancing curiously at him. The top buttons of his shirt are unbuttoned and his fluffy brown hair adorns his face nicely.

“Oh, Jongin, you’re here,” is his intelligent reply.

“I haven’t seen you these past few days… huh, how are you?” The taller student asks, a shy smile gracing his features, one hand tightly clenched around the dangling strap of the backpack on his shoulders as he feigns nonchalance. He is shifting his weight from one leg to another and Kyungsoo can see that he is quite nervous as well.

“I’m aware and I wanted to apologize for, you know… it. I was a prick and you didn’t deserve it. So, I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin’s ruffled school uniform, his hair bouncing when he dips his head in acknowledgment. He looks like a puppy: pretty and lovable.

Sehun was right, and Kyungsoo finds himself smiling at his soulmate’s soft appearance. However, before he gets the chance to add something, Jongin clears his throat and walks past him with a simple ‘bye, hyung’. And Kyungsoo is more determined than ever to do his part and mend his relationship with him. It is with that determination in mind that he speaks his next words.

“Jongin, wait!”

The other turns and Kyungsoo takes one deep breath. The intensity of his gaze makes Jongin gulp.

“You see, what I thought I wanted was never what I really wanted.”

Jongin blinks, confused.

“I, who had been thinking myself so vast and capable of doing whatever I wanted, am actually nothing more than a high schooler who was too scared to face his own feelings. What I mean to say is that I’m sorry for avoiding and rejecting you. I admit that, at first, I was wary of you and I kept searching for excuses to distance myself from you, but that was my problem and it had nothing to do with you. Sometimes, I can be so stubborn… and it took me a while to realize what a pretentious dick I was being to you.”

“Yeah, a little,” Jongin frowns lightly.

“Also, about the whole soulmate thing, you know why I was in denial… and, once again, I’m sorry you were the one suffering because I was guarded and unwilling to give fate a chance,” he explains. “I distanced myself thinking that I was doing it with the intention of not hurting you, but the only person I was protecting was my selfish self. Yet, I ended up hurting myself too in the process because I can’t stop myself from wanting to be with you.”

Kyungsoo is positive his cheeks are on fire, and he breathes deeply, glad to have finally let a big rock fall off his chest.

Jongin’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Well, then. If that’s the case, I accept your apology, hyung,” he says, catching his bottom lip between his teeth.

“I keep dreaming of you, Jongin. In my dreams, you laugh that silly laugh of yours, and dance, and talk to me, and we go places together… and it took me quite a while to realize that I might want it… that I want it all.”

Jongin doesn’t speak, but his dazzling smile and crinkling eyes are all Kyungsoo needs to relax and know that he has been forgiven and can now consequently forgive himself for hurting his soulmate’s feelings.

Jongin steps closer to him, moving his hand to touch Kyungsoo’s wrist, curling over his fingers soon after, gentle and warm.

Kyungsoo squeezes the other’s hand as a smile breaks on his face. He clears his throat. “I was thinking,” he offers, “maybe, I could invite you over to my home or buy you lunch sometime?”

The taller student looks at him in disbelief. A pause, and then another big smile makes its way onto his face. “Okay,” he murmurs timidly.

And Kyungsoo is too stupidly happy to say anything back, but he is sure that they will have plenty of chances for that later, anyway.

 

///

 

[ Epilogue ]

 

When they’re all getting ready to leave the soccer field for the day, Kyungsoo hears hesitant footsteps stop just behind him, he turns to find Jongin there, fidgeting on the spot.

“You look tired,” he says, and Kyungsoo just glares.

“I keep seeing a certain person in my dreams.”

“Hyung, about that, I have an idea,” he proposes, and he sounds even more hesitant.

“What is it?” Kyungsoo encourages him.

“I was thinking,” Jongin starts, his fluffy hair bobbing on his head, and Kyungsoo can tell that he’s embarrassed, “what if we sleep together?”

“W-what?” Kyungsoo splutters. This is absolutely not what he was expecting Jongin to say, but the latter just looks intently at him, ignoring their friends waving and leaving the pitch to return home.

“What if we try sleeping close to each other? Maybe you’ll stop dreaming of me.”

“Have you also been dreaming of me?” He retorts.

“From time to time I still hear you sing in my sleep, and, really, I like it, but sometimes it’s annoying.”

Kyungsoo scoffs. “I’m sorry, your highness, for disturbing your beauty sleep, huh?” He bows jokingly.

The taller sticks his tongue out mischievously, and Kyungsoo is happy to note that since they got together Jongin has been progressively opening up to him and isn’t so timid around him anymore. The fact that Jongin took the initiative to ask him to sleep together is enough proof of his newly found self-confidence.

Kyungsoo thinks about it and, really, he has nothing against his boyfriend sleeping with him so he agrees, smiling at the other’s little victory dance.

Jongin is still as clumsy as ever, and, sometimes, he is still incredibly shy around unknown people, but Kyungsoo is aware that it is part of his personality and nothing will probably ever drastically change. However, it is fine with him, as long as Jongin can be himself around his boyfriend and be comfortable in his presence.

What Kyungsoo can do is help him by being by his side, so he will do just that, silently encouraging Jongin to do what he wants. Being an introvert isn’t a bad thing as it requires a lot of strength to be kind and gentle in a world this cruel.

The taller student’s need to protect himself isn’t something that Kyungsoo can or wants to change: Jongin is perfect the way he is, and Kyungsoo is more certain of it the more he gets to know his soulmate.

That night, they end up sharing Kyungsoo’s tiny bed, with Jongin wearing one of Kyungsoo’s faded t-shirts and gym shorts, stomachs full of pasta and chocolate cake.

They fall asleep side by side, with the skin of their arms touching despite the stifling heat of summer, and it feels nice.

And when Kyungsoo wakes up at dawn and realizes that Jongin is really there, comfortably snuggled against him – one long arm reaching around Kyungsoo’s torso and holding him in a tight hug – the elder feels at peace, and he instinctively knows that he will not dream of his soulmate’s laugh anymore because there is no reason to: they have accepted one another and are happy together.

Jongin is in his arms, and Kyungsoo can hear him laugh freely and giggle mischievously whenever he wants, just as much as Jongin can hear him sing and hum to soft melodies whenever he wants. It is a nice compromise, and Kyungsoo smiles fondly at the younger’s scrunched nose and pouty lips in the dimly illuminated room.

Kyungsoo has always believed that he would end up in a relationship with someone very much like himself, but fate seemed to have other plans for him as he ended up falling for someone almost his polar opposite.

There are so many ways in which they shouldn’t fit, yet they have managed to find each other among all the noise in the world, and get along just fine.

For Kyungsoo, it is more than enough.


End file.
